Is your perspective holding you back?

Over the past couple of years I've become really interested in mindset and how it affects everything we do. We each have a set of unique lived experiences that shape the way that we think and how we view things.

Our brain attaches an emotional response to an event based on previous experience of a similar situation - often this can be deep in the subconscious and is shaped by events from early childhood. The brain is wired to protect us from harm and is therefore good at remembering the negative experience far more than a positive one and will alert us if it senses a threat. These individual lived experiences feed into the stories that we tell ourselves that then become our current reality. This narrative that we have created about a given situation can stop us from trying new things, challenging ourselves or doing something that we have previously 'failed' at. These neural pathways become well trodden over time and we often accept that this is 'just the way we are'.

Changing how we think can seem daunting but - as with any change - it starts with creating awareness, being patient (with yourself) and being consistent.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

A shift in perspective can be extremely liberating as it frees you from a feeling of fear and negativity to freedom and positivity. We tell ourselves stories about ourselves every day and often not in a positive light. How often have you told yourself you're a failure and you've failed a diet because you ate a full pack of chocolate hobnobs?! Then you decide that because you've been 'bad' there's no point any more and continue to binge on every bit of junk food in sight. How often have you said you hate burpees (or any other exercise!) because they're too hard and you're not fit enough, plus they also make so hot and sweaty? Then you grind your way through the session, feel like you're not good enough as it's hard and don't ever look forward to doing burpees again, possibly avoiding the altogether! (By the way I love burpees and according to most of my clients that makes me weird!). Neither of these stories serve you well but the more you tell yourself the same story the more you reinforce your negative beliefs about yourself.

Reframing the situation

We can reframe a situation to shift our perspective for a more positive outcome. For example after you eat the hobnobs, you could say to yourself 'eating those hobnobs isn't progressing me toward my goal, so my next food choice will be a better one that is right for my goals'. Before you do the burpees you could say, 'burpees get me out of breath and sweaty but, that's how I'm meant to feel when I'm working hard and getting fitter and stronger'.

Shifting our perspective and the stories that we tell ourselves can also be helpful with situations that involve other people. We can't control other people's thoughts or actions, but we can control how we respond to them. We are often quick to judge other people and make assumptions about their actions - I've definitely been guilty of this in the past. But we don't know that persons life experience and what has led them to do what they do. During lockdown lots of people bought loo roll in bulk and lots of people (particularly on social media) were quick to eye-roll, judge and berate them. But many people could have been buying for an elderly neighbour, they could have a sick relative with a bowel disease, they themselves could have a mental health problem that led them to panic buy. If we choose a different story, our perspective shifts from one of judgement to one of compassion. This perspective is much kinder and causes less stress to everyone (including ourselves) than choosing the negative, judgemental story to tell.

Try changing 'I have to' to 'I get to'.

You can also start to shift your perspective by changing how you talk to yourself. For example:

'I have to go to the gym' because if I don't I'll feel bad'.

Instead try:

'I get to go to the gym' and I know I'll feel so good once I've been'.

'I have to go to work' and I really don't like my job'.

Instead try:

'I get to go to work' and whilst it's not my dream job, it pays the bills while I look for a new challenge'.

By reframing the stories that we tell ourselves, we can reduce negative thoughts and behaviours and feel calmer, more positive and in control.

Give it a try and let me know how you get on!